To and Fro
by Mama'sGirl1992
Summary: "Life is a cycle, as is everything in it. The cycle is to and fro. Together, apart."-A recount of the love shared by the duo who are constantly pulled apart but always put back together. Paige's POV
1. First Meeting

**Hello My beautiful Paily people! It has been quite a bit of time since I have been on as this account. To be real for a second, I was so disheartened by the PLL writing and their easy dismissal of Paige back in season 5 that I walked away from the show (not from Paily, never from Paily!). Welp. I heard Paige was returning and decided I'd check it out and was once again brokenhearted at the way they are disfiguring her character. I have decided that since both the PLL writers and some specific shippers (cough emisof cough) won't let us be happy it is time I came back and gave this amazing duo their rightful endgame.**

**This "story" will basically be snippets and descriptions from _Paige's_ POV regarding her relationship with Emily and how, through good and bad times, they always come back to each other. No one scene will be super covered, my goal is to show their relationship in entirety from beginning to beyond. Most of it will stay in cannon, but as I have said I have not paid much attention to current PLL seasons so the later snippets regarding their current standing may not be super accurate, please do not kill me!**

 **I have already written half of the snippets and plan to write more every night this week until the whole account is done so I am hoping updates will be frequent and satisfying and that I will actually finish this one (insert dig at myself for unfinished stories). I also hope to continue one-shots about Paily and their never dying love over the next 8 months and if there is interest I will motivate myself to go in and update my other main projects I posted previosly.**

 **Finally, although it feels fantastic to be back I would like to issue a call to action to my fellow shippers! Who knows if we will get the televised ending we so desperately crave so let us all start writing and posting any type of Paily fanfic: it will send out wonderful positive energy that could sway things in our favor, it shows people there is still interest, AND we can all collectively create a bubble of love to hide in when the people on twitter aren't nice (cough emisof cough).**

 **Please enjoy and please review; I am writing this story as a challenge to myself but it is always nice to gauge interest!**

 _"Life is a cycle, as is everything in it. The cycle is to and fro. Together, apart."- A Communion with God_

New school, New classmates, New you. The mantra cycles continuously in your head, hoping that with enough repetition the sayings will stick. Even still, the hopeless anxiety you feel grows with every rotation of your pedal, each inch passed marks another inch closer to your next four years: Rosewood High School. Your parents are thrilled that they relocated to a town with a respectable school district, more specifically, to a town with a reputable swim program. Great grades, Great times, Great collegiate opportunities. That is the mantra your dad has said aloud to you starting the moment the enrollment papers dried. You used to wonder if either parent ever considered your level of interest in anything life offered, but that curiosity burned away slowly with every relocation and every new school; swimming remains the only constant, your only friend, and so you continue to pursue personable bests and improved strokes.

Head down, eyes low, quick gait. You have truly mastered the ability to fly under the radar, a skill you put into good use now as you enter into the high school as a new freshman, a new student, and new prey. You are almost to your locker, not too fast or else someone will notice, when you run smack into something, make that someone, knocking it (them) over. You seethe, not at the other person, never at the other person, but at yourself. Why are you so careless? Mere feet from your destination and you had to cut across hallway traffic. Your anger is so consuming that you forget about the person on the floor...that is until they yell up at you. As you look down with a well-rehearsed apology and self-deprecating statement loaded onto your lips you freeze.

Your grandfather had a heart attack when you were seven and as you stare into darkened brown eyes you wonder if this was what he felt when his heart stopped. No thoughts, no movement, no breath, just stillness, perhaps peace even. The person you knocked over was a girl, probably your age, and she was the most intricate person you have ever seen. Long brown hair, frazzled from impact but no less perfect, tan yet smooth skin, lithe face with pointedly thick lips, a softly curved nose, and of course those eyes, those delicate eyes that held, that held…well, anger. You finally snap yourself out of your trance before dropping all of your new books on the ground in hopes to help her to her feet. Although your motives are generous, your execution was flawed as you yank the young woman into the air and almost into another locker. Her feet have barely touched the ground before your babbling a series of what you hope are sincere apologies but could very well be a recipe for chicken noodle soup since you seriously have no control over your mouth once it starts (the one friend you had in middle school once told you that because you hardly ever talked, your mouth tried to over compensate every time you actually went to use it).

You were barely finished with what you were hoping was a third (thirtieth) apology when this victim of your clumsiness places a hand on your arm with a gentle laugh. She is not mad, in fact, she claims she could not have planned a more unique way to start her high school experience. You think she is just being nice, but you are grateful for the friendly banter, even if you are not sure how to respond since her closeness in proximity has made you start to sweat for no apparent reason. Before you get the chance to analyze your bodily reaction the first warning bell sounds and both of you look startled by it. She makes a joke about getting the show on the road and you laugh, nodding in terrified agreement, but saying nothing else since your brain has all of a sudden short circuited. As she starts to make her way around you she pauses, smiling once more, and tells you she's Emily.

Coincidentally, before the day was out it was discovered that you are both hoping to join the Rosewood swim team as the pair of you were some of the only ones who showed up to the out of season meeting and training session. You cannot believe your luck as she smiles and sits next to you, perhaps you have found your first friend; an ally among the sharks. You practice in the same lane, share nervous glances after the coach's motivational welcome speech, and walk out together into the parking lot. She tells you about her youth as a military child, you explain to her the dark side of being a Preacher's daughter. She explains her love of cooking with her mom, in return you discuss the historical importance of DC comics. The pair of you giggle over shared battle stories involving elementary swimming programs. You cannot really remember when you connected with someone so easily.

You have not said anything too embarrassing throughout the two hour practice, which is a personal best, so you decide to muster up the courage and ask for her contact information when you hear someone call out her name. As the two of you turn you notice a young blonde girl with a face of stone approaching your bench. You look over to see if Emily knows her, and judging by the weirdly awestruck countenance Emily has on, she must. The blonde girl, without any regard to you, chats Emily up and invites her shopping. For a moment Emily appears almost…giddy before turning her head to make sure you would be alright heading home alone. You are not fully sure why you feel the need to hesitate, but you do know that you want to spend some more time with your new friend. However, instead of saying you would prefer to not be alone anymore you see how excited Emily is at the prospect of being around this other girl so you decide to just smile and nod. Emily smiles in return, but hesitates to leave until she seems to have made up her mind to go in for a hug; just as you have braced for the contact the blonde interrupts by grabbing Emily and walking away. So instead of a hug, Emily parts you with a muffled goodbye and rushes off calling after the girl named Ali. You let her go, and go back to being alone.


	2. First Try

**I decided since it has been so long since I have been on here that I was would post the first two snippets back to back! I would not label this part of the story a trigger warning BUT there are brief mentions of attempted suicide and Paige's quick regards to the matter may not be the most appropriate however with Paige's sad thoughts about herself at this point in her character development I believe the comments fit. Hope you like! Please rate/review!**

Gay. Emily is gay. Emily is gay and swims faster than you. Emily is gay, swims faster than you, and may be elected team captain. You are angry, maddeningly angry. Why could you not be better? Especially, why could you not be better than _her?_ In reality, who were you to kid yourself into thinking you would be rewarded for your talent when she was also being considered. Emily. She who had the luck to rise high within the clicky social standings, ruling the school alongside her group's totalitarian leader; she who had the strength to come out both inwardly to herself and outwardly alongside a beautiful girlfriend; she who had enough popularity pull to surround herself with people whom distracted her away from you. You have never had many people in your life so you could not forget. You tried to remain her friend throughout the early part of high school. You still remember those times you were the reason behind her smile, her laugh, her good moods, but, you no longer dwell as much on whatever interaction you once had- Alison made sure of that. Crude jokes became teasing which became bullying which became blackmailing which became torturing. You could not take it anymore. You tried to end everything, end yourself, but you were too cowardly to even succeed at that. So you went to your sanctuary, inside yourself. You cut off your connection with Emily, not that she really noticed, and you have been hiding ever since (during some of the rare hidden moments of honesty you will admit you have been hiding a lot longer than high school). Even with Ali gone you are still hidden, and still quite tortured.

Sometimes when the burden of self-shame becomes so overwhelming you black out because the guilt is so blinding you cannot even remember your own name. Sometimes you wish you could just remain in a state of blackout because there is always a mess to clean when you reenter consciousness. Normally, you lash out: at a wall, at your bike, apparently at Emily. You are not sure how your hand ended up on her head. You just knew you were angry. Angry because you are so scared and she is so _not_ ; she is everything your parents think you should be but nothing like you actually are. When you let go, when you run away, when you hide in your room and when you let yourself cry, wail, sob you are reminded of how much of a coward you are. You bike as fast as you can over to her house. You feel like a monster and you cannot have her thinking that too, not Emily, not the one person who used to make school feel doable. So you apologize. For freaking her out, for putting her in harm's way, for letting her take the punishment that you know you deserved instead. You do not notice the rain, but you do notice her forgiving eyes that have somehow, in mere seconds, penetrated your walls to start healing wounds. But you cannot let her crack your defenses so you apologize once more, so that she may fully understand how deeply gutted you are at your poisonous behavior, and you ride off.

You are angry again (what else is new). You should have known he would overreact, you should have been there to intercept his frustrations: you know your father and now, unfortunately, so does the rest of the school. As you wait for Emily to get into her car you are not sure which words will right another wrong you have committed, but by the time you finally have her attention any ideas you may have come up with are gone. All you see is her understandably surprised expression complete with a full lip pout and shining eyes so without thinking you grab her face and do the one thing you have secretly wanted to do since the day you bumped her in the hallway. You kiss her like the world is ending, and since this is the first time you have actually acted on any hidden feelings it may. The bliss you feel is overwhelming, the electricity from the contact is all-consuming, but the elation quickly turns to freight as you realize what you have done. So you sprint out of the car.

Emily wants to talk; you cannot. Yet, you also are incapable of forgetting the kiss. So you hope and pray that she will meet you somewhere secluded; somewhere you can show her who you are underneath the hesitation while still actually remaining hidden. As your nerves pile on she walks into the bar and all reservations you held were nullified. Even with your fear pumping through your veins you cannot help but think that there is nowhere else you would rather be; no one else you would rather be with. Funnily enough, after the conversation picks up you start to get the idea that Emily feels the exact same way. You may be too scared to admit who you are, but you are definitely not too scared to grab a microphone and coerce Emily onto the stage. The success you achieve at getting her to sing will forever hold a high standing place in your list of accomplishments. The smile she gives you will forever hold a high standing place in your list of best things ever. When all is said and done you are both reeling: clinging to each other's words, laughing at each other's jokes, and not so subtly checking out each other's appearances. When she goes to kiss you your heart stops; The Emily Fields is leaning in towards you without any outside motivation. As your lips connect you swear you hear the fireworks in the background (you hate being cheesy but at this point you cannot really help it). She tastes of coke products and hope; desire and future. As you both break apart you can see she is just as taken aback by the connection as you are. All you can do is smile.

You ask her to have a picnic with you, as friends of course. You are not ready but you cannot stay away. She has already enveloped your bloodstream, and by her eagerness to come along you are starting to let yourself think you have a similar effect. Sandwiches and snuggling; laughing and lemonade: perfect combinations. You think you can get used to it, to this, until she pushes you to do more than you are ready for. You cannot do an actual date at a concert, even if you secretly wish to spend all of your free time together. A date with a guy, on the other hand, is still totally acceptable. That is until you actually go on said date and spend the entire time wishing you were somewhere else with a certain brunette. When you go to her house for the second time ever everything feels as it did the first visit: you are still scared and you still feel as though you hurt her. But as she looks at you with sympathetic kindness reflecting in her brown orbs, you cannot help yourself when you say out loud your biggest secret. Maybe she will never know that this is the first time you have said it aloud, maybe she will never know that she is the witness to the moment your life changed forever, maybe she will never know how she has cemented her place in your heart all thanks to the safe space she created for you; maybe she will never know but you pray that one day you can tell her. You are grateful that after such a hard moment you are rewarded with a kiss, a cuddle, and a smile.

You try again. You have secret hangouts and laugh until your tummies hurt. You enjoy training in the pool and bike riding around the town (keeping safe distances between each other). She texts you constantly and has even jokingly yelled at you when you forgot to respond punctually (you did not actually forget, you could never forget, but sometimes math tests take precedence). You are happier than you have ever been, she is happier than you have seen her in a while (or at least you think she is happier). Then you go and ruin everything. You want to make up for the concert you both had missed. You get other tickets and pay off a swim mate who will join you in case anyone gets the wrong idea (technically the right idea but you are not ready for the world to know that). She gets mad: she is not anyone's secret nor does she ever want to be. You understand, you do, but it hurts. You were starting to break down your once impenetrable walls for her, you were letting her into your sanctuary. When she does not respond to texts, when she yells at you in public you get nervous, assuming you have used up all of your chances, but there is nothing you can do. You are too scared. You let her go, and go back to hiding.


	3. Again

**Enjoy! Rates/reviews would be just lovely!:)  
**

The world is not always kind to people who are different, but since coming out you find that you can be at least a little kinder to yourself. The air is not as suffocating, your house is not as restricting, and your style has definitely shifted more to your liking. You, against all odds, are actually kind of happy. Happy enough to start actually connecting with people; happy enough to try and reach out to Emily. You are fully aware that Maya has been back in the picture for a little while now, and you are aware that you are not that kind of person to try and steal people away, but you are also aware that you would like some type of connection to Emily again. You are not sure if you have ever been more excited than when you tell her you came out to your family. If the shock in her face is anything to go by you made the right decision in letting her know. During the remainder of your volunteering experience you can feel her eyes on you, hear the lightness in her laughter, and you can feel a jolt of something special when she smiles at you as she leaves. You are not sure what it means, but you know it cannot be bad. Your honesty has made her willing to open up to you again. Perhaps not in the way you are hoping, since dating Emily Fields has always been atop your hidden bucket list, but you much prefer being a participant in her life than a fly on her wall. Which is why when she asks you for your friendship at the school dance, wearing that flawlessly fitted green ball gown, you cannot help but glow. You are thankful she also wants you back in her life, but you are the same amount grateful in yourself that you are finally strong enough to just be around Emily without any condition. You talk for as much as you can throughout the dance: catching up on the other's life while enjoying the peace that so naturally settles when you are together.

You are excited to be making the amends you have sought, joyous for the future, until you hear of Maya's tragedy, and although you reach out to Emily in solidarity you do not dare try to step on any toes as she grieves. You attend your father's church regularly during the summer, something you have not done since middle school, praying deeply for Emily's well-being and healing while she is in Haiti. She arrives home in August and it takes everything you have to not go embrace her in a hug of support, but you recognize she needs space from the world and so you continue your daily prayers. When she arrives drunk and upset at your house one night you help as best you can: you grab water, a blanket, and you offer any comforting words that come to mind. As she sloppily pulls your lips onto hers you still feel that electric shock, but it is so consumed by heartbreak that you cannot help but to gently shove her off. As she stumbles out of the doorway this will become the first interaction you two have ever had where you hope she does not remember.

Weeks pass in which all you can do is watch her exist within a haze of her former self. You can feel her depression and your heart is more broken than ever as you witness her pain. You send her encouraging texts and warm smiles, but you never try to push her limits. Until the day she decides she wants to hang out. Admittedly, you would go hang out with her in a sewer if needed but a Katy Perry concert is definitely better. That is, until it is not a concert, but a fancy birthday party where everyone is uppity and the only plus is Emily in a tie. All you wish to do is get a chance to make Emily smile again, however, the next thing you know you are at the hospital getting stiches and hiding away from her with the hopes the world swallows you whole so you do not have to deal with the internal shame of getting drugged. But she finds you, of course she finds you, and as you wait for her to drop the hammer of her opinions she grabs your face. She tells you not to look away, and she kisses you. She kisses you and you kiss back and the energy surrounding you is static. She clings to both your body and presence and you have never felt more alive. She is asking for all of you, all that you have to give- in every way, and you have been desiring to open yourself to her for longer than you can remember. Clothes are off and you are in the pool, introducing one another to your bodies. You come together and it is perfect. As she leaves that night you swear the smile on your face will never fade away: Emily Fields asked you to be her girlfriend and for the first time ever you are not afraid to say yes.

There are not enough happy descriptors that allow you to express aloud how you feel when you are with Emily. You hold hands in public, you hug in public, you kiss in public. You do dirty things, not necessarily in public, but the fact that the option is there is thrilling. Skinny dipping in the pool, baking cupcakes on rainy days, Netflix and chilling when A has been far too much: the world of being with Emily Fields is far more interesting than the world itself. She is in constant danger, but there is a not so secret pride you have in knowing that you are one of the very few who she feels safe around. You are definitely the only one whom she shares her intimate dreams with. She will come to you for comfort, and you will go to her for love. She will come to you for a break from reality, and you will go to her for excitement. The balance between the both of you is palpable, and even if her friends are not always supportive they still begrudgingly admit that a strong bond is present. A bond that can withstand beatings.

One of the first beatings comes with Emily's brief infidelity. When you watch her kiss Nate you are angry. How could you not find a way to be good enough for her? But then she tells you honestly about what happened, without any prodding, and you find yourself accepting the situation more than you ever thought possible. Emily's heart still hurts, and although you make it clear that cheating is never alright, you forgive her because the joy she brings is far more meaningful than any kiss she gave away.

You assume all is in the clear until her friends start accusing you of being A. You would be more hurt (seriously how could they ever assume you would do anything to even annoy Emily) if it were not for Emily's steadfast trust in you. She knows who you really are, where your affections lie, and you are grateful. You appreciate her support even when the oppressors are her friends and if you were not fully confident in the depth of your relationship before you most certainly are aware now. In fact, you are so confident in your connection at this point that you decide to finally open up to Emily about your past with Alison the bully, as you knew her. You almost feel bad painting Emily's deceased friend in a bad light, but you want openness in your relationship, and since Emily wants the true you without reservations it is time that she understands what you have suffered. Few things are harder than coming clean about your torment, but she holds you stronger than anyone ever has and the process to mend the scars accelerates with ease. She looks at you not as a victim, but as a brave and brilliant young woman who has overcome so much. No one has looked at you with that kind of admiration and you finally allow yourself to start moving on; she wants to move forward by your side.

You wish it did not have to take a kidnapping to prove you were not A, but at least Spencer has backed off. Emily has been a constant. She calls every evening, texts every hour, and plans hidden meeting spots so that you could be together even for a little while without the concerned monitoring of your parents. Perhaps the craziest part of the whole ordeal is that even though you were abducted, held hostage, and almost murdered you have never felt a need to run away from Emily. In fact, you feel closer, having officially promised yourself that you will do all in your power to protect her now that you know the lengths some people will go to hurt the girls. You team up with Caleb to research any possible clue they have come across, you stay up late while Emily sleeps so that you can scare off any monster under the bed, and you even went so low as to reach out to your ex-girlfriend for help. The meeting between Emily and Shana may not have been the way you hoped for Emily to find out about your dating history but you are thankful for the reminder of how great life is now compared to that summer. Emily's jealousy is surprising, but admittedly not unwelcomed. You are learning to let yourself enjoy being loved, and feeling Emily's need to claim you as her own is great motivation. Shana was a nice distraction, but you finally have the girl you have always desired, the girl you have always loved, and you are appreciative for the moment you are able to tell Emily this.

As your parents constantly remind you: college applications are due soon. You are not fully sure where you want to go, you have some nice offers that you really were not expecting, but you are more concerned with who you would be going with. As you spend the day mustering up the courage to ask Emily to invest in your collective future, you wonder if you are now the one pushing too far. But you will never know if you do not ask, and you would rather know how committed you both are as a couple as opposed to potentially letting a good thing fizzle out due to fear. When she responds with an elated yes to Stanford you think you may pass out. When she tells you she loves you, you know you will pass out. She grounds you, as she always has, with a kiss that speaks of inevitability and destiny far more than just attraction.

Then she gets hurt. Evil A ruining another great opportunity, but you refuse to give up. Swimming may be what initially connected you two but love will hold you together. She says she still wants a future with you, only you, and you are sure there has never been a greater phrase of affection.

You want to make her birthday special and you want to help her with Stanford recruitment, but you push a little too far. She is not happy with the surprise party and especially not happy with the surprise meeting with the coach. You know her reactions are stress related, but you also know you will never stop trying to heal the wounds. She says you guys will probably have to end things next year before you move 3000 miles away and you are positive a heart has never broken as quick. Even with the awkward air, neither of you is willing to relinquish the relationship yet so you proceed forward. At first it is hard, not really knowing how to continue on, until Emily asks you to dance at the Hoedown. As she holds you tight and spins you around you have finally convinced yourself that everything will work out. You go on dates again. You cook her breakfast in bed when her parents are not home and she sneaks into your bedroom almost every night so that she could be closer to you. You both start looking in to colleges that could make the distance a little less stifling. Laughter becomes easier again, the love strengthens even further.

All of a sudden she gets distant, starts mentioning Ali. You try to be respectful and not blanch at the name of her deceased friend and apparent former crush. She does not exactly push you away but her thoughts are rarely with you anymore. You try your best to be supportive with whatever situation she is experiencing. You surprise her with little adventures and trinkets of love, and although she seemingly enjoys each moment she is definitely not herself. You think it is an ordinary day: she is distant but will find at least a moment to give you some loving while you continue to plot ways to spoil her, when you find out about Ali being alive. You panic, not necessarily at what this means regarding your relationship, but definitely regarding what this means for you and Emily as individuals. You recognize that may be a selfish thought but the scars have dug themselves so deep that they are impossible to ignore. You try talking some sense into Emily: Ali has been gone for years, Emily's life has already been threatened, why take the risk? But Emily is loyal and stubborn like a mule; as much as you hate to admit it you may actually love her more for how dedicated she is to anyone that gives her the chance. What you cannot swallow is how nonchalant the girls are treating this moment. The dead girl is alive. The dead girl who has been missing the entire time that Emily has been hurt and threatened and scared now expects everyone to drop everything and help her. You are so tired of the games these girls have to go through; so tired of the confusion and instability they suffer; tired enough to take matters into your own hands with the hopes that the police have more connections. You write up a note and drop it into the cop car.

You should not be surprised to find out that Emily knows what you did. Her extreme anger is a little off-putting: you were trying to help, you were protecting her like you promised you would. She does not recognize that Ali can find help elsewhere in her family or the police, and this scares you. Not for your own sake, but because you just hope that Emily does not fall into Alison's manipulations as easily as she once did. Emily has become a beautifully strong young woman and the greatest heartache you could suffer is watching that brilliance fade away because someone else darkens her light. Emily does not bother listening to your reasoning, she is enraged at you, but you refuse to feel guilty. You cannot feel guilty because you did what you had to do to protect Emily and her friends. But as Emily looks at you with her broken, watery eyes and says goodbye you wish that reasoning was enough to stop the bleeding in your heart. You let her go, and go back to being just Paige.


	4. Love and Distance

**The response to this story has been awesome, thank you all for following it! Just as a warning as I get into the more recent parts of our girls' story the chapters will be longer (yay!) but the time between postings may be a bit more as well because of how long I take writing each chapter (sorry)! Also, I am trying to stick to cannon as best I can so not everything they go through will be sunshine. But Paily is always endgame no matter what!**

You are hurt but life will move forward. For so long you have felt the sting of rejection: from the world, your parents, and of course most heavily from yourself. So obviously Emily's dismissal burns a hole in your soul that may never fully cool, but you are far too proud of the person you have become to completely break down. You start reaching out to the friends you gained over the past few months and just like that you have created a fully functioning social life. Dry land exercises and swimming replace the constant that was once Emily. Grades have become more manageable; you have found a new love for math that you never expected. Almost out of nowhere people start recognizing your more than capable knack for repairs so you are now in the business of assisting classmates with their bikes and cars. Somehow, hidden beneath the drama, you have created a life for yourself that is untainted by the opinions of others.

You are so settled into who you are becoming that for the first time ever you face Mona and her cronies without any trepidation. She offers you a chance to seek vengeance against Alison for all of her wrong doings. Admittedly, Mona provides excellent motivation: in Ali's absence everything about the school hierarchy has shifted and everyone within the hierarchy has changed as well, who was Ali Dilaurentis to come back and ruin the order and the students all over again? You are tempted, how could you not be? Ali's bullying hurt you so deeply that the poison is permanently mixed within your bloodstream, yet, you find that even the idea of hurting Ali in any way like how you were hurt leaves such a toxic taste in your mouth. You reject Mona without another thought and hope that secretly others hear your reasoning. Some seem responsive while many more decidedly plot alongside Mona and Lucas. You will not blame them, instead choosing to pray for their inner peace (clearly your dad's sermons have had some impact). Everyone must find their own paths to healing. You are thankful you have found yours and as you exit Mona's lair you are overcome with pride when you realize that you denied Mona's request not just in honor of Emily, but also in honor of yourself.

As Emily returns to school so does the uncomfortableness of dealing with an ex…an ex you still have quite a few feelings for. Even though she has broken things off, you still try to be as accessible as possible in case she needs anything. Heartbreak has not deterred you from always keeping your promise of watching over Emily's needs and security. You can tell she is having a hard time and you are concerned. She has dark bags under her eyes and she is quite skittish. When she gets bumped into she nearly jumps out of her own skin. As you hand her the book she dropped she looks at you with a hardened stare you did not realize she was capable of. However, even with the impenetrable gaze you can see her shoulders relax slightly, as if your presence still has the calming effect it used to. You are slightly pleased with this new found information and so even if she does not recognize or appreciate what you are doing you decide to find ways to just be around so that she can still feel some resemblance of peace in her atmosphere. The perfect opportunity arises as it comes to your attention that she is assisting Sydney with her training. You are beyond pleased that Emily found a new outlet that engages her passion for swimming and provides a potential backup if she cannot be an athlete. This also means you have a buffer in Sydney who can let you get closer to Emily without looking suspicious. When you see the two of them chatting in the locker room you know you need to capitalize. As you strike up conversation Emily puts up her walls, but, ironically enough, she already seems calmer. You guys tag team in trying to inform Sydney about a variety of technical terminology; as an additive you get to make sex jokes at Emily's expense (there is no denying you were more than just buddies in and especially out of the pool). As you all part you recognize it did not run smoothly but at least some tension was relieved both within Emily's psyche and between you as a pair.

Hours later you still feel restless, you are incapable of getting Emily's downtrodden face out of your mind so you commit to going over her house to chat: letting her know she is always loved and supported and if she ever needs anything you are around. When you finally come across her that night she seems uninterested in what you have to say, but you say it anyways because it is important. As the words come out she simultaneously softens her stance towards you while also searching to find fault in your statement. You walk away dejectedly until she calls your name again. As she glances up you can feel her peering into your soul; she says you deserve the best of everything and you feel yourself deflate completely. Throughout your entire relationship the biggest goal you had was to always display the love you felt towards Emily; to always ensure that she knew how much your togetherness enlightened you. How could she now forget those moments? How could she ever think that there truly is a 'better' than what they shared? You voice this thought and you see her face crumble, perhaps finally realizing what you both had lost, but you do not wait to hear what else she had to say.

Returning to yourself is no longer an issue. You have your new group of friends and hobbies that keep you from falling completely inward. Curiously though, Emily has appeared to have mollified since your serious conversation. What you truly thought was the finale in your relationship turned out to be an impetus to a new wave of interactions with your first love. Just a few days after the night on her porch you find yourself cornered in the locker room together. Although you both are trepid you have an honest chat; she even divulges a bit about life with Ali. Then, out of nowhere, she invites you to do sprints on the track with Sydney. Sprints (aka a personal track meet between you and Emily with Sydney acting as line judge) turn into pizza where you spend your time reminiscing on personal jokes you two share. As you grow distant after the stare down with Mona you can feel Emily's concern: she texts you multiple times after you split ways, but you are already too confused about your brewing friendship to respond.

As much as you were hell bent on avoiding Emily life had others plans. When Mona cornered and threatened you about being a Switzerland you knew you could not let Emily go into this new battle blindly. If anything were to happen to her, especially when you could have provided some form of help, there would be no amount of penance in the world to get you to forgive yourself. So you once again muster up the courage and go to her house. Unlike last time she actually seems excited to see you, willing even, to hang out some more inside. But you ignore her invitation and deliver the advice you need her to hear. Her walls go up immediately, but you shoot her down before she can fully assume this is once again about your relationship. She has to know she is in danger, she has to realize that associating with Ali is not the safest decision. Then she has to let you walk away. She doesn't want to, which surprises you a bit- so much so that when you hear her walking after you your legs start moving quicker than you ever expected. You hear her calling your name, and then later you see her name pop up numerously on your missed calls log, but you are staying firm in your independence.

Ali returns to school shortly after with her posse in toe and well-wishers showing up in abundance. You feel sick. You may have found a way to move forward with the scars, but that does not mean you are thankful you received them in the first place. You go home to clear your headspace, find yourself again, and then you return to practice because Alison was not going to take your future like she took most of your high school years. Emily approaches you worried. She expresses the strength she knows is inside of you and you feel your heart flutter for just a moment at her support. Then she asks you the one question you never thought you needed to be asked: do you want to talk to her? Her meaning Alison; her meaning your tormentor. You gawk for a moment, assuming Emily is just getting over zealous, but then you notice the steadiness in her gaze. You do not want to say yes, you want to say you would rather live in a hobbit hole forever without human contact than talk to Ali. However, unbeknownst to your mind, your mouth says you are willing.

While you wait for the impending meeting Emily texts you constantly, sending powerful words of encouragement. The sentiment is appreciated but you know the only strength you can use for this moment is your own. As you enter into Emily's room the mood of the room is serious and solemn; and you pray that you leave this place still put together. Very few things will probably be as hard as making eye contact with your bully; very few things will probably be as conflicting as when you hear her try and apologize for what she has done. Ali is crying, but does not sound totally sincere. You feel as if she is in her own way recognizing what she did, physically, but she still has zero clue as to the damage done emotionally. You don't want to rush the apologies but at the same time you are ready to leave, ready to move on. So you accept what she has to say and tuck it down for later review. As you exit you are thankful to notice that the weight you have been carrying lightens more so than it ever has: not because Ali apologized, but because you finally loved yourself enough to hold your own against her. You become even more thankful when Emily invites you out to the singalong. Ali may still be waiting for Emily in her bedroom, but you are the one Emily wants to see later.

The Frozen Movie Extravaganza was a success. Emily's commitment to humming was thrown out the window after the first verse of Do You Wanna Build a Snowman and so you eventually got the Elsa to your Anna (which interestingly enough morphed to her being the Kristoff to your Anna). You were relaxed around each other again, which made you feel at peace, until she comes at you one day after practice and demands to know the names of people targeting Ali. Your heart breaks at the ultimatum: these are people who Ali hurt, people with whom you sympathize greatly, yet Emily expects you to put Ali's safety ahead of all. You want to say no, you want her to just move aside and let Ali realize what she did, but even in your newfound strength you find it hard to deny Emily. So instead you give her the names of the perpetrators and wait. Wait for the threats against you that you are so aware are bound to happen. The first one comes in the form of a dead rat in your locker and it is then that you decide to take some time off and away.

You spend your time reading, studying, training… and of course looking over your shoulder every second you can. You barely sleep for the first few days, too scared to willingly let yourself go unguarded even for a moment. So it definitely comes as a surprise when you throw yourself off the bed as a knee-jerk reaction to being woken up from an accidental nap by a loud sound, a loud sound you come to realize was a missed call. It was Emily and she left a voice message. Your hands are shaking when you go to listen to her words, hoping nothing terrible happened while you dozed off. As you are listening you feel your heart speed up with every moment that passes. She wants to apologize, she wants you to start contacting her no matter the circumstance, she may still love you if you are interpreting the end of the phone call correctly. After the message ends your body and mind are frozen, incapable of moving. Clearly, you are in shock at all of this information. You are too busy shaking from head to toe to call her back right away. Yet, as you think about it more you choose to not call her back, not because you do not care but because your safety is important too and right now a phone call with Emily could mean another meeting with a dead rat.

Emily is nothing if not persistent. She calls and texts and has even started trying to visit while you are on your self-inflicted sabbatical. You want to make yourself feel annoyed, but if anything this is the most loved you have felt in the past few weeks so although you still remain distant the intention makes you smile. It is during this very short time away when you meet a really sweet blonde who you remember swimming against from a neighboring school. She is outright flirty and even though you are a bit rusty with the art of seduction you kind of flirt back. It feels good to be looked at as a sexual and romantic being again, as opposed to an ex or a traitor. She asks you out and you go for it, not really confident that there is any future here but clearly a good time is waiting to happen.

Emily must just sense when someone has taken interest in you because now she does not just reach out to check-in but she calls and texts for fun and conversation. She makes the extra effort to get your attention in school and whenever your free periods match she finds you for the company. It is during one of these free periods when she tells you she is hoping to talk, and after all the light talking you have done in the past few days you are assuming this will be a serious discussion. As she looks at you with hope glistening in her eyes you also realize this discussion is not just about Ali or A or danger or threats but about you guys as a twosome. Your heart leaps and sinks simultaneously because of course you miss Em as your girlfriend and partner but you have finally started to try and find ways to move on as best you can. Instead of dwelling too much on what is to come you allow yourself to go out on this pre-planned date. You decide to go big or go home for this outing: you get all gussied up, you buy flowers, and then you go get coffee to surprise your date with. Then you run almost face first into Emily at the Brew. This was normally her day off so your first feeling is complete surprise, and then followed by…shame? As if you actually kind of feel bad for being caught getting ready to go out with someone else. She stares at you probably more stunned than you are. Then she gets all flustered trying to speak but her eyes say so much more than she could: she can't even hide the fact that she is openly leering. Almost as quickly as her sex eyes come out they rescind replaced by what you can only assume is realization as to why you are here so dressed up. Before real conversation can begin you decide to forgo the tension and just walk away; before exiting you notice how upset Emily looks, leaving you to wonder.

The date is alright. The girl is funny, outgoing, and a bit quirkier than expected but overall a doll. However, all you could do during the movie was picture Emily staring at you as if you were the only person in her universe. More than once before you wished you were. Matters are not made easier when you realize both Mona and Aria are watching the same movie, but instead of watching the movie they are both trying to take subtle glances at you and the person you are with. The girl gives you a kiss on the cheek and tells you she really hopes to see you again. All you can do in return is give her a grateful smile, thankful for the nice evening. Once you are inside your phone is lighting up. Emily texted you saying that you looked beautiful, she was happy she got to see you even on accident, and she hoped your night was pleasant. At that moment you resign to the fact that you are not ever going to see that blonde again, you have another girl in your sights.

You can see Emily at her locker as you approach. There is not much of a plan as to how you will breach the subject on your mind. Then fate intervenes as her book falls right in front of you, reminiscent of a few weeks ago right after your break-up, but instead of shying away she gives you a deliciously warm smile and you decide you do not need a plan, you just need her. When she asks how your date went you could see the hesitance in her eyes as if she was bracing for impact. You let her off easy and tell her the truth: that the costume (the girl) just did not fit right (no one ever would) and you kiss her. The tension that you both had been unknowingly carrying immediately floats away as you each relax into the brief but meaningful kiss. When she smiles at you after the kiss ends the heat that flares within your body feels like an embrace from an old friend, a welcoming home.

Both A and Ali have been quite active, as you have come to find out, so you are hoping to help the girls in any way that you can now that you and Emily are official (Emily made sure to ask even before the school day ended). You offer your assistance but Emily brushes you off saying she is sick. Your newly restarted relationship may have just begun but you have never forgotten Emily's go to soup for healing her illnesses. When you get to her house you want to be devastated when you see Alison exiting: barely a few days in and she is already lying again, but you decide to follow Alison when she gets picked up by the twins. You go to let Emily know what you saw, and also kind of call her out for keeping you out of the loop-again. Then Spencer is arrested. then Mona is found murdered and all you want to do is hold Emily as close as possible to act as her shield from any bad thing that may come after her.

There is not a day that goes by throughout the holiday season that you guys are not together. Even as you relearn each other you can tell the affections were never dampened. You discuss your break-up because you both recognize that trust needs to be rebuilt. You explain your reasoning and she explains her frustration. Through the tears you can feel the love reshaping and strengthening and, not for the first time, you are overwhelmed by the power of the love you two share. Emily has separated herself from Ali which makes spending endless time together easier because you join the girls when they are all together, Ali-free. Everyone is excited that 'Paily,' as Hanna so thoughtfully coined junior year, has officially returned. Each day goes as follows: each night is spent together at each other's houses making up physically for what was missed, waking up in each other's arms to get ready for school, sending each other love notes during classes, spending lunch bonding with both groups of friends, followed by an afternoon of training and studying and laughter before love- making nights commence. This is a cycle you gladly hope to continue for the rest of your life.

Emily adores Christmas so your study break sex times are upsettingly cut short as you decorate her house. The minus is you are once again an unsatisfied, horny teenager, but the plus is you get to watch your girl dance around the house as she tells you all about her holiday traditions (which of course you already knew about from your earlier dating stints but who are you to ruin her good mood). You guys are in your own happy bubble filled with hot chocolate, Christmas carols, and the penguin twins Pingy and Wingy; there is not a thing you would change. Then, as it always has done, the world pops your bubble in the form of your over protective parents. One night after begging you to come home to chat before heading off to Emily's for the umpteenth day in a row your parents sit you down and tell you the news: they bought a house in California. At first, you think that this is awesome! Once you are off to Stanford you will have a place to stay during breaks, a place that Emily can come and live at with you. Your dad shakes his head as he tells you it is not a house for the future, it is a house for now. You are confused until they say the three words that shatter your heart almost as much as goodbye did: we are moving.

For the first few days you are too numb to even argue. Once the dust settles you release the hounds as the saying goes. The arguments you have with your parents lead your neighbors to come check and make sure everything is alright. Nothing is alright, even if the house continues to look pristine. You are enraged that they strip you of your senior year, of your friends, of Emily. They offer compromises: they will pay for friends to visit in the spring, they already have a swim coach so you can still practice, and they will buy you your own car. The shame you feel at their bribes makes you run away and hide out at Emily's. Under the guise that you just are feeling extra affectionate she does not question why you refuse to go home for a week (thankfully she always understands you and your sometimes undulant relationship with your parents). You try and hide your frustrations from Emily partially because you cannot imagine hurting her any more than the world already has and because you just want to treasure a few days untainted by a moving date.

You go the Rosewood Winter Ball deciding to block out your parents' decision for a few hours. The two of you are in bliss together. With matching white outfits and loving smiles you guys are the couple to beat that night. So in love and so happy. You allow yourself to pull her closer than you would in honor of public decency; she does not seem to mind as she cuddles even closer still. This is your happy place.

Ali's crazy antics plus a winter storm keep you piled in Spencer's house. As upset as the girls are you are beyond grateful. Here you finally have a Christmas with Emily without any expectations or other interrupting plans. You get to just be together with friends, and even in your underlying sadness you are so thankful for these moments with her. She finally catches you sulking and you know it is time to tell her. You hate that it is during Christmas, her favorite holiday, but she needs to know and you are tired of hiding. She looks number than you did, and it is like you can feel her heartbreak just by being near her. That night she asks you to forget about what is going to happen down the road, and focus on right now so that you can still have unforced joyous moments. You agree because there are not many other options.

For ten out of the twelve weeks before your family moves you and Emily have an almost indescribable amount of fun. You guys play hookey to go bike around town and have picnics in the woods. You all but move into her house so that you do not have to spend any time apart and you have officially learned how to cohabitate together: she likes the left side of the bed, you get up earlier than she does for the first shower, and you both tag team to make dinner every evening. None of your two groups of friends bother you guys, knowing that these weeks are for you two alone. Your teachers do not expect you to do much homework anymore so your time is spent helping Emily study, watching Emily coach, and loving Emily all day and night. Both of your phones are maxed out on space that is now occupied with photos and videos and love notes. For a while you guys just embrace that this is what life is supposed to look like and you both are almost in shock at how easy it is in sharing a life with the other.

Then two weeks before the move your parents start putting boxes in your room for you to fill. Now Emily moves in and begrudgingly helps you sort stuff out. You do not make it known but through your anger at your parents you have accepted what is to come. Not because you have accepted leaving Emily willingly, leaving her has always and will always continue to be the worst moments of your life, but you are ready to leave this town. You are tired of the drama, you are tired of the scars that remain, and you are actually kind of excited to go find yourself in this new world. A world that you are sure will include Emily at some point. So you pack your clothes with a soft confidence in knowing that you are moving on from this God forsaken town, not from Emily.

The day you leave is hard for all the wrong reasons. Emily does not originally even come and see you off, she does not even respond to your texts and you get nervous that she has just ended everything. Then she surprises you at the airport and your already broken heart shreds more as she begs you to stay. You think of all of the times you were too scared to tell her you love her. You think of all the times you were too jealous, early on, to even acknowledge her. You think of those times as you tell her that you love her but you also love yourself, and that for you to be a whole person- for her and for you- you have to get on this plane. You have to leave. Thankfully she lets you go; as your tears mingle so do your shattered spirits, united in the devastation of this separation. But as you leave you make an unspoken promise to her that you will be back just for her, only for her.

As you settle into your new life you are captivated by the freedom. The freedom to skate, bike, and rollerblade through piers, down boardwalks, and out to the ocean. The freedom to wake up at five in the morning to do some outdoor yoga followed quickly by a surfing session. The freedom to meet new people who have never heard of your reputation or the town from which you originate. The freedom is of course softened by the Emily-shaped hole in your heart. But if this move has showed you anything it is that even though Emily has been, is, and will always be a big part of you, she is not the only thing. You are finding completion within yourself; you are finding a joy in just being you.

You and Emily keep constant contact for a while. Emails, phone calls, texts, skype, and facetime become a part of your daily routine. She makes you so happy, and you are happier still every time you interact. But you notice the sadness in her eyes, the desperation in her voice. Not necessarily at just missing you, of course she misses you she makes sure to tell you every time she can, yet also at her own situation. You can see how much A and Ali have worn her down. She is so very tired, so very close to breaking down permanently. You are starting to get nervous that she will not have enough left to keep fighting, not to mention enough left to come and build a life with you. It may not make sense to some but you start to pull away from her. Not because you don't love her as much anymore, that couldn't be farther from the truth, you love her more than anyone else and in knowing this you try to ease your way away from her so that she can focus her time and energy on surviving, on beating A forever. The more time and energy she spends missing you and trying to talk to you the less time and energy she has to keep herself safe, much less to figure out her plans for after graduation. Your guilt, shame, and overall pain of her absence eat away at you but you are doing, once again, what you think is best. You are putting Emily's needs first. You want her in your life, but while you are at a distance all you are right now is a distraction. Of course, when you do chat you make sure she knows she is loved and she is prayed for, but every conversation you have is a conversation you take away from someone who could be of real assistance to her right now.

She does not understand what you are doing. Her friends let you know that she is staying up all night waiting for responses. She is apparently going crazy trying to make more money to come out and visit you. She is wearing only the clothes you left, not bothering to wash any of them. Now you are hurting her almost as badly as A is, in a different way. She has stopped being concerned for her safety, she has stopped being concerned for her future, and she has stopped trying to be herself. She has gone crazed and you need this to end. 'This' being your current relationship, not your never ending love. You need her in your life, but more importantly you need her alive and well. So you do the one thing you never imagined you would be asking for: space. She sounds so broken, and little does she know you are even more damaged by this than she is. Yet, if this means she can go out and vanquish A, if she can go out and reestablish herself then so be it. Your heart is empty, but it would be far more empty if something happened to Emily because you took up too much of her time with your needy distance relationship. What she does not know is that while she is ending her enemies, you are working hard to build a life that includes her. You are working hard in school and on the swim team to give you as many job options as needed. You are training rigorously so that when you are reunited you can be the protector. You will be ready for when the time comes to be together again: ready with a steady income, a steady living arrangement, and a steady sense of self to welcome her home. With that confidence you let her go, and go back to building your collective future.


	5. Another Chance

**I told myself to stay away from PLL, but I could not stay away from this story. I feel a pull to finish it and finish it I will. From this point on everything is from my own Paily mind and the few things I still know about the show. Warning: I am not really watching anymore because I rather picture Paige and Emily happy together than Paige going crazy so if you are looking for show specifics that will probably not happen! I will, however, be using the small plot points we have been told/ using the most popular fan theories to use as structure for the remaining chapters. I have basically written everything out so the final few updates should come quick. Thanks for tuning in again, sorry for the delay, and please feel free to review so I know Paily people are still around :)**

You expected the warmth. You expected the lack of seasons. You expected to adore the ocean. But what you never expected was how quickly you fell in love with California. Refreshing, accepting, open. You hate being over dramatic but you have to admit you feel reborn here. No one questions your love of the water. No one questions your attraction to women. Everyone lets you be you and it is far more filling than you ever thought. The last few months before college were spent exercising and working at a local surf shop where you taught people to swim and ate homemade guacamole all day. You have been working on forgiving your parents because you really feel as though this could be a permanent home.

As your routine twists and changes in the most adventurous ways there is always a single constant that keeps you grounded. You wake up each morning and go to bed every night missing Emily. This is all you allow yourself. It seems like you have had a broken heart longer than not so existing within a realm of longing is not new for you. Of course you have met women here. Beautiful and witty women who hope for your attention and you really do try. You have been on a few dates, some of which you actually initiated. There have been a couple first kisses and a single one-night stand (which you enjoyed but will not do again). They have all been sweet or funny or outgoing but none of them have been Emily so none of them have yet to work out.

Stanford begins and this whole new world of parties, grades, and independence opens up. You wake up early to do yoga and watch the sunrise outside of your dorm room. All of your classes are squeezed in a row so you longboard to every class before hitting up the pool. Miraculously there is also time for a social life: you drink with the softball team before (and during) football games. You and your roommate have become quite the cornhole champions. Your parents live close to campus so sometimes you bring the team to their place for a home cooked meal. You never expected life to be this satisfying, but you have come to welcome the situation.

It is late September when the cycle restarts. You are figuring out a calculus problem when your phone goes off. A text. From Emily. Without any fanfare or greeting she says she is living in California; she is attending Pepperdine. It is a few minutes before you realize you slide yourself down to the floor, your knees buckling under the shock of this new information. Emotions of all sorts overwhelm you: surprise over her actually deciding on a school in California, confusion as to why she waited so long to reach out, and even a hint of sadness because you realize this will officially shift your recently established college routine. By the time you can process the message it is early in the morning but you cannot wait. You respond with congratulations and a request to reunite for an official college celebration. You two decide to meet halfway between your respective schools that weekend.

Relief is the first feeling you get when you finally see her waiting for you at a table. She is alive, she is here, and she looks far more relaxed than she has in years. When you make eye contact there is a palpable spark, as always, and neither of you are able to fight the massive grins that overtake you both. Without another thought she stands and engulfs you in a massive hug. You feel something click into place and you know, regardless of what comes to pass during this lunch, that your new home in California has just gotten far more wonderful.

You spend that lunch, that afternoon, and then that evening reconnecting. You hear all about the final unmasking of A and CC and Sara Harvey's betrayal. She tells you about what all of the other girls are doing and then takes even more time explaining the dreams she can finally live out. In return, you divulge your entire new life to her. By the end of the day you are both glowing. Nothing has changed: the conversation is easy, the love is apparent, and the naturalness is still present. So much so that when she invites you to stay over you agree without hesitation. That night you reconnect physically and even though you recognize that you have barely been back in each other's lives for twenty-four hours neither of you feel like waiting any more than you already have.

Normally, distance should be difficult. Yet being with Emily makes everything easy including the multi-hour drive to Pepperdine. There was not even a need to ask if you were going to give the relationship an extra chance, it happened without thinking. She became the first and last person you talked to in the morning and evening (on those lucky, random weekends also the first and last person you saw). Your texts, emails, skype messages, and letters could make for some lovely and lusty novels. You are her "practice body" when she has to learn anatomy and her tutor when freshman math is annoyingly hard. She is your quizzer before all of your tests and your confidence before every swim meet. You were afraid she would have a problem throughout your season but she once again amazes you with her strength. Every home meet (and the few away ones she traveled out to) she is there front and center sitting next to your parents rocking a Stanford shirt with your athlete photo pinned to her chest.

The only slight 'problem' with the whole dating the love of your life who lives five hours away thing is that both of your social lives take a small beating. Parties are traded in for long, extended skype sessions. Dinners with friends are cut short if the other one calls for a quick chat. Not to mention the drives to each other take up ten hours during a weekend so even quick Friday or Sunday social lunches are a thing of the past. Neither of you see this as a sacrifice, as your relationship takes precedence. Thankfully, that all changes when Emily decides to drop another love surprise on you.

It was approaching the end of spring semester during one of your study-break, post-sex cuddles when she asks how you would feel if the distance would be cut down permanently. By cut down she means eliminated. You are too…confused perhaps… to answer. She pauses to gather her courage before going into a long and life changing monologue: she really enjoys California but she is not a huge fan of Pepperdine; she knows it might be too late for a transfer to Stanford but there are quite a few community colleges in the area that have caught her eye; she thought that maybe perhaps you could become roommates. You lay there, naked as a mole rat, completely stunned. The silence overwhelms her but before she could actually back track you smash a kiss to her lips and provide her with the only physical confirmation she needs. It is early June when you make your final drive to Pepperdine to pack up Emily's boxes and move them to your shared apartment.

You have barely lived with anyone else aside from your parents and one college roommate, yet here you are now living with a significant other. It is mind boggling, super adult-like, but totally and utterly worth it. You both realize how much of a blessing it is to truly learn about someone other than yourself. You watch her as she cleans the house every Wednesday night as a compromise so that you get her attention all weekend but she is still living in a neat and tidy place. She learns that you gather everything for school the night before only to undo it all the next day in fear you missed something. It then becomes habit for you to clean one room every Tuesday night to ease her Wednesday rush while she makes a checklist for you of 'things needed' that you go over together every morning. She takes on your strict, Stanford-issued athlete diet while you embrace her over eagerness to decorate for every holiday. She does the laundry, you fold and put it away. Your lives become entwined in the best ways possible.

For over two years there is a steady supply of support and love. She times you during your practices (after getting approval from the coaches) and then you go and run out water to her as she completes half-marathons. You share friends and attend each other's club meetings, but then there are those special days where you go your separate ways only to meet back every night to share adventure stories and drunk food. You bring her to all of the holiday celebrations both national and familial and she buys you plane tickets to go out and visit her parents on special occasions. You become each other's routine and it is as open and welcoming as a hug, until it isn't.

You will never forget the day she received the news. One moment you are both playing a competitive round of strip Uno and the next her mother is calling her in hysterics. She drops to the floor and, with a sense of knowing dread without having to be told, you drop with her. You miss a week of classes and optional practices but it does not matter. You are right next to her as you fly back to Rosewood, right next to her when Pam falls into both of your arms, right next to her as the girls and other friends crowd the house, right next to her when she buries her dad. You thought Emily had survived Hell but clearly the world was not done with torturing your love.

When you get back to your apartment Emily has official turned off. She stops going to her classes, announcing she is dropping out altogether. She gets a job as a bartender and begins to smoke and drink more than you have ever seen. You love her too much to impose your opinion so you help her grieve in whatever way she needs. When she yells at you because of small things like a loud laugh or waking her up too early you do not fight back. When she cries and screams in your arms for as long as she has the energy you do not even notice the fact it is a school night. When the pain overrides her and she makes a hole in the wall you patch it up without having to be told; of course you also accept the apology sex right afterwards. Slowly, as you give her the space she needs to miss her dad she starts to let you in.

Since she is working nights now you do not get to see each other as much as before but as her mind clears you both start finding ways to be with each other. Sometimes she will come with you to your big lecture classes; quite often she will join you during your exercises. You feel comfortable enough to start leaving her little notes again, and she in return will send you some sentimentally happy texts that you used to get before the sadness took over. She asks you to come with her to a grief class, and you go enjoy the happy hour she works every Tuesday and Thursday after school. She asks you to help her with new projects and crafts around the apartment like repainting the wall and refurbishing your couch. You plan out playdates at amusement parks and in San Francisco. You help her start again, slowly but surely.

You think you are both starting to settle into this new life when she gets another call that disrupts everything. A call from Alison. You know immediately that this will not be a conversation you want to have but the pleading in her eyes makes you open to hearing her out. Charlotte will be, for a reason you no longer remember, released or retried or something (honestly you were not paying all that much attention, still unable to deal with Alison reaching out after years of ignoring her friends for her husband) and Alison is hoping that all of the girls would help surround her during this time of unrest. You are rather reluctant to agree and since this is the first time in months you reject something Emily is looking to do she gets angry. Really angry. Over the years you have never had a fight of this magnitude and it scares you as much as it gets your blood boiling. You are tired of coming in second to these girls even after the life you have been building together. She is tired of your avoidance of anything having to do with Rosewood.

You know your anger stems from the helplessness you have felt over the past few months, the anxiety over watching her drift away emotionally. You also know her emotions stem directly from the sadness that has completely dimmed the light in her eyes. You thought you were on the right tract to repairing your relationship but this fight shows how wrong your assumption was. You are both exhausted from the tension that has plagued the apartment, not from a lack of love but from a lack of understanding. You do not know how it feels to lose a parent, she does not know how it feels to watch one suffer so much. You are divided and there is no compromise. She buys a plane ticket on her phone, and you feel the sadness start creeping into your veins. It is not like you are keeping her from her friends, but you are afraid that the stress of reliving her own Hell again will relapse her further into darkness. She will not listen as she packs her suitcase.

She gives you a quick kiss at the airport; she pauses for a moment to just look at you. Her eyes are teary as she gives you a sad goodbye smile. You both express your love for the first time in a few days, but it feels weirdly more of a goodbye than a coming home. When you get the final devastating call two days later you know why it felt as such. She says she is going to move back to Rosewood: her mom needs her, her friends need her, and she needs a purpose beyond trying to just live. You feel your heart crack in half, but you know there is no convincing her. She asks you to ship her important items and then gives you permission to sell or keep everything else. The only comfort is that you can tell it is almost as hard for her as it is for you. She does not sound like she is breathing as she tells you of her new life plan and she delays getting off the phone. You can no longer take the conversation so you tell her goodbye, she adds a quick admission of love one last time but you hang up before you can reply. You know she is hurting so you send up a quick prayer of guidance and love for her. You let her go so that she can find herself again.


	6. Holding On

**I am very grateful for all the love, thank you for your continued interest!**

 **To reiterate: long ago I made the decision to no longer watch PLL because I am not about to witness the degradation of our beloved Paige. So to carry through with this story I am using the most "popular and assumed" storyline that the writers appear to be going with. This may not be how the actual version turns out, but it also could be so POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT to those who do not read SM posts/predictions about impending episodes. As well, the twists may seem far stretched but again I am using the hints and potential spoilers being discussed so if you find it weird that is probably because the PLL writers have gone off the deep end lol.**

 **Finally there may be very, very slight triggers with the use of one or two words but that is it.**

 **This is NOT the last chapter so please bear with me. I know it can suck sometimes but remember you did not choose this ship, this ship chose you! We are all on this Paily Pain Train together**

Your head is pounding as you gently lower the blinds in your office. The decision to go out on a work night with some old swim friends seemed like a great idea sixteen hours ago, before you knew about a new proposal your company has bestowed upon you. Now you sit straining to stare at all the facts and figures with the expectation that you will be able to come up with a blueprint for the customer within the next week. Engineering was definitely a surprise shift from what you originally hoped for in your life. After blowing out your knee right before the Olympics you decided you needed to steer away from athletics for a while. Thankfully you thought ahead in college, choosing a major that had very promising career opportunities anywhere and anytime in preparation for when your body gave out on you (which it did far sooner than expected).

You cannot actually complain though. You still love California with its progressivism and vast environment. You make quite a hefty pay check for someone who still cannot legally rent a car and your network now includes a mix of famous athletes as well as award winning academics. At twenty-three you really believe you are in the middle of something special. Of course there is a slightly glaring piece of your life that is pretty barren: the dating piece. Friends and family alike have set you up on more blind dates than you can count but none of them panned out. You keep trying and failing to convince yourself that your problem is more than just the fact that you are missing a certain brunette. For the first few months you and Emily attempted to keep in contact since the care and concern you held for each other never actually went away but it got too hard. She found it difficult to hear about California, you found it hard to hear about Rosewood, and both of you hated being reminded of all of the friends, events, and inside jokes you used to share. On and off you both stalled in responding, and then you both lost the nerve to reach out first, until a few days turned into two years and now here you are with almost no clue as to what she is doing anymore.

Periodically you still get the urge to reach out but you never have enough spare energy to handle a potential rejection. So instead you devout yourself to building things that help other people's lives all while trying to find a way to build past the Emily-sized obstacle in your own. Sometimes, during your most still moments when you allow yourself to reflect, you wonder what it would be like to reconnect. Technology has improved in such a way that you could call her just to hear her voice, text her to quickly break the ice, or send an email to distance yourself from her response. Logistically, it would not necessarily be too difficult either: you were hired into a Fortune 500 company that has branches all throughout the United States which includes a location not even thirty minutes away from Rosewood. All are reasonable paths back to a beginning, but none guarantee a secure ending.

You were so set on finding ways to be settled in your current life, ignoring the pull back east, when life intervened (for the millionth time) via an email from your old Rosewood High School swim coach. She detailed to you her retirement, as well as the opening for her replacement. You really wanted to act uninterested, but you couldn't, and so within the week you cashed in vacation time, selected an interview slot, and hopped on a plane to your hometown.

To this day you still wonder if you and Emily have a stronger attraction to each other than magnets. Not even twenty-four hours after landing you are exiting your interview only to come face to face with the person who use to hold most of your heart. You hear her gasp at the same moment you feel the breath leave your lungs. Neither of you are able to say much but the identical surprised smiles say far more than words. Even though she has her own meeting with the principal you feel a need to wait for her, which turns out to be the best choice when she exits the door and looks fervently around until she sees you stayed. Without much talking you both walk towards your cars agreeing on grabbing dinner and drinks.

The interaction is hesitant but light. You are able to still hold a conversation but the once natural ease dissipated a bit: you can sense her guilt and you have built some walls. Yet, laughter is still experienced and the luck you wish each other is immensely genuine. There is no bad blood, just regret and perhaps even some hopefulness for at least a friendship. Overall, you are glad to see her even though the bright light behind her eyes still has not returned. The sadness you saw after her dad's passing has morphed back into the fear you got used to seeing throughout high school. You hope everything is alright and more importantly you hope that regardless of what has happened in the past Emily will still reach out to you if she needs anything.

When she does call later that night you are both relieved and unnerved. Relieved to find out she still trusts you, unnerved because she is still suffering. You go as quickly as you can to her loft and mere seconds after entering you both fall into your old patterns: she curls up around your body as you hold her and hear all about the bad events plaguing Rosewood (again). You feel raging anger when you hear about all the horrible things Noel has done, that sense of fierce protectiveness regarding Emily has not died down one bit. You offer to be a supportive friend during the time you are here and she thankfully accepts.

In the few days following you do your best to be present for Emily. Whenever she has to deal with yet another police interrogation you are sitting right beside her. If she is hungry or thirsty you grab snacks and drinks without a second thought. The random hours where she is free you spend together playing cards or watching television, anything to keep her mind distracted. The spark that has always been there between you is still burning. You feel it when she laughs at your attempts at humor or teases you about quirks you still have not dropped. You feel it when she texts you at random hours of the evening or when she just wants you to hold her regardless of the fact that you are surrounded by her friends. You even feel it when she lends you out to Hannah or Spencer because they too need comforting and she is still so proud at how well you blend with them and how willing you are to be their confidant if needed. She constantly reaches for you even if you are across the room, and you are the first person she tries to connect with after hearing more unimportant updates.

You try your best to not think anything past friendship at this point but Emily has always made it almost impossible to ignore the feelings. Apparently, Emily had recently gotten with a girl named Sabrina and no one knows if they were ever actually official and or officially broken up. You try to bring her up casually as a distraction but Emily is quick to swerve away from the topic. She tells you she does not want to waste your brief reunion dealing with suitor history. In most situations this would be a positive sign if there was not a blonder cause for your concern. From the second you reappeared Alison has been just as mean as she ever was to you. Snarky comments laced with judgement surround you whenever you and Ali are in the same room and it gets very hard to bite your tongue.

To make matters a bit more difficult Ali tries her best to monopolize time with Emily and Emily goes along with it. Of course you two have your special time as well but you start to see Emily reverting back to her old ways of sticking by Alison, oblivious to any of the devious blonde's tricks. What unsettles you most is there is this electric current around them, almost romantic in nature yet in a darker way as if it could become dangerous. You once again feel the need to protect Emily from Ali but everything that happened in the past pops up and you get too nervous to do anything for fear of Emily getting as mad as she did when you broke up back in high school.

However, your sense of control lasts as long as it takes to ride your rented bike from the hotel to Emily's house. Your goal is to drop off the paperwork for the coaching job so that she does not miss the deadline. But then you find out she is at Alison's which stings. Then you find out she spent the night and the flood gates open. You do not mean to get aggressive but you truly are concerned for her wellbeing. You arguably have the most first-hand knowledge at how manipulating and horrible Alison can be, including to her own friends, and you are so tired of Emily's consistent stream of pain that you cannot sit idle by anymore. You can tell she is shocked by your outburst. You also think maybe she actually heard some of it, but you leave no time for discussion, the more adult you has no patience for excuses, as you ride off. Maybe you look a bit dramatic but to be fair you could not have just abandoned the RENTED bike on the side of the road.

Later that night she texts you her work hours with the hopes you would come up and visit. As much as you are still frustrated you love her (no point in denying anything anymore) too much to just ignore her. It has been two years and you will take whatever time she will give you. The initial greeting is a bit rigid but after making a quick joke regarding her weak drinks the conversation flows. As weird as it seems, there is less tension between the two of you now that everything is in the open, yet more tension just within Emily, like she is hiding something. You know not to push and when you offer to walk her home after her shift you feel slightly victorious when she agrees. You walk temptingly close and chat about ways to help the students at Rosewood (since the principal wanted to give you both a collective try at sharing the responsibilities). Both of you hold each other's smiles without thought and Emily finally makes long lasting eye contact. Your ideas bounce off of one another effortlessly and by the time you reach Emily's house you have a pretty solid foundation of suggestions for the meeting later in the week. She gives you a big smile and hug as you walk away with a feeling quite similar to hope.

The meeting itself is awkward because of course Alison and her pettiness will not be out done. Neither of you back down from the defense of your ideas nor do either of you soften the blows of your barely concealed insults. You would consider the verbal duel fun if there was not so much animosity and dislike involved. It is a bit disheartening to watch Emily sit in silence but in the same respect you have vicious memories of Emily jumping to Ali's defense so at least she is not abandoning you either.

Since Ali is an official teacher she has to wait for another meeting so you walk out with Emily- who does not really feel like talking about the drama but could really go for running off some stress. The run brings back immense memories and you both find yourselves falling into natural habits like your constant push of the pace while Emily yells at you for overworking too early. By the end of your sprinting contest you are both exhausted yet full of energy. Before you could make any more plans Spencer texts the group for an emergency meeting and Emily does not even give you an option to not come.

You are the last two to arrive, a fact that does not get overlooked by Alison. She glares at you until she all but yanks Emily to come sit by her. You do not have the energy to fight so you make yourself comfortable near Aria while awaiting the updates from Spencer. You feel something hit your face and you look over just in time to catch Emily smiling at you while Alison is talking to Hanna. She mouths a quick 'thank you' with an added wink before shifting her attention. You feel your face heat up, a grin threatening to come out. As Spencer gives her updates in which she just recaps everything the high and mighty A has done recently you notice Alison get really uncomfortable looking. You can also see Emily watching Alison intently out of the corner of her eye. When Alison rushes away with Emily immediately following you all know something is amiss. That pit in your stomach you once assumed to be rid of returns.

Twenty minutes later when they both resettle Hanna is the first to call them out. Everybody is wondering what the heck just happened. Alison looks to Emily, Emily looks right back at her and you can sense the two are having a private conversation. Your neck bristles at the image but you do not look away for fear of missing something. Emily nods and grabs Alison's hand as Ali turns toward the group. You almost miss the announcement since your focus has zeroed in on the clasped hands, but unfortunately you look up just in time to hear Alison mutter the word pregnant.

There was a point where Alison could say the meanest of phrases and you would not be surprised by her bluntness, but sitting there hearing Ali announce her pregnancy you feel the world stop. You know your mouth hangs open and judging by the audible gasps everyone is just as shocked. None of you know how to handle the situation so silence just takes over. Alison starts to get teary eyed and Emily is quick to comfort her. Instead of figuring anything out Emily announces that she and Ali are going to leave and the group could reconvene the next day after having some time to process.

Once those of you remaining could feel your bodies again you all decide that a distraction is needed. It is while you are sitting in a booth eating bar snacks (after eventually finding things to talk about that does not include babies) that you realize you have missed these girls too. California living gave as much as it took away. Once you get a free, Hanna-less moment to check your phone you realize you missed multiple texts from Emily that basically said how she was sorry she ditched quickly, she hoped she could see you asap, and she wished you luck on your big dry run coaching session the next day. As crazy as everything has been you feel settled by her goodnight message.

The next day goes by with relative ease, which you should have known by now is just the calm before the storm. The students respond really well to your coaching and interpersonal skills, and the fellow teachers and assistant coaches are super welcoming. Being back by the pool gives you a sense of peace that you have been missing since your injury. When you finally catch up on messages you have one text from Spencer and all it instructs is to get to her house as quick as you can. Not a moment later you are dead sprinting to the girls.

When you bust in the door you immediately feel like crawling in a hole and hiding from whatever their discovery of the day is. Hanna, Spencer, and Aria are even more frozen than the day before, Alison looks tortured, and worst of all Emily appears absolutely ghostly. As you approach, Spencer thankfully becomes aware enough to notice you. Without needing words she displays an envelope that you just know is from the hands of A. You shake as you open the letter that in mere seconds will change the course of your life forever. Inside are a bunch of pictures. At first you are confused at what you are looking at: Ali laying down (clearly unconscious), a hooded figure standing beside her body, tools surrounding them. As you stare at these screen shots you start piecing everything together but you pray for it not to be real. Not even Ali deserves this. Halfway through the photos you are pleading with your body to hold down the vomit that is sitting at the back of your throat as you realize A impregnated Ali.

You look up at Spencer, silently pleading to take this all away but she just shakes her head brokenly and tells you there is more. Swallowing bile is all you are capable of as you go through the remaining batch, it is not until the last photo that you are reduced to collapsing on your knees. The photo, labeled 'Hot Mama,' is a zoomed in picture of A holding what appears to be a tube. The tube is marked Emily Fields.

At first you have no idea what to assume so you to sit with your blank mind, waiting for some type of clarification. Finally, as if sensing your immense confusion, Emily speaks in a pained whisper. She says that there was a point a few months ago when she was not sure if she would ever be able to have children. In an act of defiant hope she went to a fertility clinic and had some of her eggs frozen. Now it appears, A got ahold of them.

You feel your heart fall out of your chest, but in wishing your assumptions are wrong, you ask why that is relevant. Instead of responding Emily just collapses her head into her hands. You stare at her, willing her to say anything. This is until Spencer finally brakes the ice, stating without hesitation that Alison has been impregnated with Emily's egg; Alison is having Emily's baby.

You wish you could have just hid in the ignorant silence.

For the next day or so everyone seems to stray away from each other. No one really knows how to proceed forward nor does anyone have a clue as to what to even say aloud. You try to get ahold of Emily but, almost as expected, she does not respond.

It is late at night when the stalemate breaks and you hear a pounding on your hotel door. Without a moment to think you rip the barrier open and you immediately find yourself holding up one Emily Fields. She cries relentlessly, about as much as she had when she found out about her dad. She releases all of her emotions onto you, she opens up to let you see what she has buried for so long. She is scared about a future with a child she never expected. She is angry that pieces of her body were stolen from her. She is nervous about how to proceed with Alison. She is petrified to fight A with the stakes being so much higher. She clings and screams and wills the fates to change. You have no idea how to handle what is going on, but she is clearly trusting you with her heart and so you squeeze and comfort until she is falling asleep tightly wrapped around your body.

Come morning, you awake to an empty bed and a text from Emily letting you know she went to meet up with Ali for breakfast. You are so psychologically spent that you do not have the energy to be jealous. You are not actually sure you even have the right to feel jealous anymore. You stay deep in your thoughts until your reunion with the girls.

Emily and Alison sit right next to each other, Emily with her arm around Alison. The bile gathers in the back of your throat but (as you quickly note) not due to envy, instead being caused by the situation the two girls find themselves in. Ever the leader, Spencer lays out the options as to what could happen regarding the fetus festering inside Alison. Everyone is quick to voice their support for an abortion, even you offer to go in a group with her to a doctor. But, in a moment that shocks you to your core, Emily speaks up saying she and Alison have decided to keep the baby. Her and Alison, they, together. Apparently, ignoring how everything came about, neither one wanted to run away from the situation. As Emily glances towards you her eyes say far more than you expected. There is fear and sadness ever present; there are hints of apologies and regret that you instinctively know is for you alone; most importantly, however, there is a new determination that you have never seen before. Emily tightens her arm around Alison as you watch the acceptance settle between them. It is at that moment when you know what you must do.

You have survived bullying, attempted suicide, heartaches, and a move from one side of the country to the other. You thought you could officially handle anything, but as you stand waiting nervously in front of the door at a house you hoped to never have to visit you feel anything except confident. When Ali appears you can tell she is as surprised as you are apprehensive. Yet you must do this, so you ask to come inside. Hesitantly, Ali leads you to a chair and before she can even open her mouth you begin to say the speech you had planned prior to arriving.

You tell her you love Emily. You tell her that the only reason you looked into this coaching position was to try and reconnect with Emily. You tell her you will always love Emily. But then, you also tell her that you are leaving to go back to California. You tell her that Emily does not deserve to be split in two, not now when everything in her world is permanently changing. You tell her that you cannot imagine splitting up a family and as that baby becomes more real that is exactly what you would feel like you would be doing. You tell her you remember all the torture, but those memories are now reduced to glimpses as they have been dimmed by all of the ways you have filled your life. You tell her you are sad she has to go through this and that you wish her well. You tell her your phone number in case she ever needs anything because you want her to succeed for both Emily and the baby's sake. You tell her to take care of Emily. You tell her to remember how lucky she is to have someone as amazing as Emily by her side. You tell her goodbye as you walk out the door.

Surprisingly, there are no tears as you approach the Fields' residence. You have resigned yourself to your decision and you refuse to be reduced by life any further. Emily is on the porch, staring off into the yard. As you come into her eyesight your heart clinches as her eyes brighten for a moment. You do not say a word as you bring her into a big hug, one that she returns mightily. You hold each other for a moment, allowing the world to fade so that you can enjoy just being with Emily one more time. You take one last deep breath, inhaling the scent of her shampoo, before letting go to give her a rueful smile. You hand over a packet while offering your congratulations: she has been given the coaching job. She is both parts relieved and torn (since she also wished for you to have the position…but you are at peace knowing she has a much greater reason to need the paycheck).

You stare at each other a long time before announcing that you are leaving that night for home. Her shoulders sulk and her relaxed smirk turns into a deep frown. Nonetheless, she does not argue about your decision, she knows why you are doing it. Without warning she pulls you in for a deep kiss, similar to the one before your first ever flight to Stanford but also very different because there is almost a finality in this kiss. You feel her love come through, you feel all the hope she still held for you two, you feel her start to miss you before your lips even part. As you separate she shines one more 'just for you' smiles and you give her the head nod. You turn away from all that you have known and walk towards a new beginning. As you let her go you realize that neither of you actually said goodbye. You hold on to that.


	7. Finally

**Welp my Paily Family we survived "the episode." Truth be told I am totally at peace with what happened: it was confirmed multiple times that Emily chooses Paige 10/10 times. There is and will always be love there. Paige is the one that got away. Personally, I think it just shows that even the writers cannot deny how perfect for each other they are. We all know they will be together again one day!**

 **Here is both my ending to this story and at the same time, in my mind, the way it will end up for our girls one day (it might not take as long as I have written it but sometimes you still need the suspense in a story!)**

 **Please rate/review and maybe even leave a comment about how you felt about the cannon Paily goodbye! *story contains a few swear words***

 **Peace, Love, and Paily**

The reality of your sacrifice does not hit you until you step off the plane in California. It is humid outside, the weather woman is calling for severe and turbulent thunderstorms throughout the week. Perfect weather to accommodate your numbed senses. You gather your luggage without issue; you order an uber without struggle; you even open the door to your almost abandoned apartment without even so much as a key jam. But when you close yourself in and look around the dusty space it finally hits you. You and Emily are done. Done done. Like. Completely done. Not just done, but separated, pulled apart by so many circumstances not even including distance. Say, for example, that one day you run into each other like you always used to. She will not just be Emily anymore. She will not just be the big-hearted, athletic, compassionate brunette that stole your heart the second you met. She will be someone's mom. She will be Alison's baby mama. Hell, for all you know she may be Alison's partner. And for you that is what hurts the most. You not only had to give-up the love of your life because fate sorta has it out for you, but, you also had to give-up the woman you fell in love with so that she could go become someone else. Next time you run into Emily you will not truly know her anymore. It is thoughts like these that make you crumble on the floor.

You allow yourself quite a few weeks to mope around. You may have been strong enough to walk away but that also meant giving up most of the energy you had stored to help pull yourself together again. The work you once loved has become just routine. Food does not taste as good, and all of your athletic endeavors fade away while you fight to just get out of bed. You hate what you have become, so much so that you actually take a moment one day to curse at God or the Universe or whoever is maybe listening for putting you in this position. You hate yourself for loving, you hate the fact loving is even an option. You hate Alison DiLaurentis, you hate Rosewood, you hate A.D, you hate that baby, and most of all you Hate Emily for making herself so damn loveable. You don't feel better after this outburst so you just lay on the ground hoping that the pain just sweats itself out of your system.

One day, after a particular rough morning at the office, you lay on your couch to just sulk in your misery when your phone rings. You pick up without a second thought, assuming an assistant needs something else done for them. But it is not an assistant, it is the one person you both pray for and against at night. The one person who illumines your dreams and haunts your nightmares. It is Emily. You freeze and she freezes. Like she never actually expected you to pick up. But you did so here you both are sitting silently on either end of the connection, both too shocked to say anything while also praying the other doesn't hang up. She finally breaks the tension with a shy greeting. You reciprocate the same words back, you are too stunned to think on your own. Emily gets her voice back after hearing your nervousness: she tells you that she is scared and that you were the first person she thought of to reach out to. You have no idea what to say to that so you ask her to continue.

She explains that the baby is due within the next few weeks. She tells you that she has panicked so much in the past few months about it but no one, not even Alison, can calm her down. She is worried she will not be good enough, she is worried she will resent the child for its mere existence, she is worried her and Alison will not work out and the baby will live in a divided home. You wish you could hate her for reopening all of your wounds, you wish you could hang up and block her number like you have failed to do so too many times. But this is Emily, and you could never abandon her when she needs you. So you talk her down. You remind her of her immense capacity to love and to adapt and to forgive. You remind her of how she sees the best in everyone and how dedicated she is to anything and anyone placed in her life. You let her know that her love has the ability to change people's lives. You spend hours calming her down all while she spends hours re-breaking the pieces of your heart. Apparently, her and Alison moved in together and eloped to make the legalities easier to manage. You feel the anger and jealousy and insecurity rise up in you and you spend every minute of momentary silence to swallow bile. By the end of the conversation Emily has finally stopped crying, you have even managed to make her giggle, and she tells you she has to go to the final ultra-sound. You once again have no words, you are all talked out. She thanks you profusely and allows herself a moment to just sit on the other end of the line with you one more time. Right before she hangs up she promises to not do this again, to not disturb your life in such a dramatic manner. She insists you are both building different lives and you need to have the space to do that. You shake your head, thankful she cannot look through the phone. You are so over this conversation that you rush out a very abrasive goodbye. Her words come out quicker than your finger could hit the end button so you hear her as she yells out saying she misses you in a tone so heartbreaking it brings tears to your eyes. You hang up without a response.

Opposite to what you expected, this phone call motivates you. If Emily is so keen on moving on then you damn well better do it too. So you clean up your apartment for the first time in a while, leave work on time instead of working all hours of the day, and take yourself to numerous spa retreats for needed pampering. Most importantly, you dive yourself back into the dating world. There is this beautiful woman who works in a different department of your building who has been hitting on you since you returned from your sabbatical. Her name is Christen and she is funny, spontaneous, and loud. She loves animals, likes to dress in monochromatic outfits, and hates most spicy food. She laughs at your puns and just recently agreed to go out to dinner with you. The first date is filled with awkward conversation in the best way. You open up about your superhero fantasies and she tells you about her beanie baby collection. The hours fly by and before you know it the restaurant is closing so you two go on a late night walk around the city. You hold hands and kiss and for the first time since you were fourteen you actually think there are more people out there to love than just one.

It is as you are preparing for your seventh date with Christen, the one where you are hoping for a bit more than heated kissing on your couch, when you receive the letter. Well not a letter per say but more of an announcement. You recognize the handwriting the second you see the envelope, you would recognize that handwriting even if you were standing in front of a signature board with thousands of names on it. Forgetting for a moment about your date you open the letter, your hands shaking uncontrollably. All that is in there is a picture of a newborn baby: one with dark hair, brown eyes, and a red face. He is beautiful. You turn the card over and it tells you that his name is Alexander Wayne Fields. Born two days earlier and weighing in at a little over eight pounds. The last sentence just says 'everyone is well.' You allow the tears to fall as you are overcome with relief and sadness. Relief that for the first time in years something actually worked out in Emily's life. Sadness because there is now a living and breathing and permanent obstacle between you and Emily; one that was expected but was not actually real until a few days ago. The tears only last a few moments though, you have a date to attend and perhaps some sex to enjoy. On the way to pick up Christen you stop at a store and grab a congratulations card, mailing it to the address Emily wrote on the letter. You do not sign it, you know without a doubt Emily will recognize who the card is from.

Life moves forward for you in a beautiful way. You and Christen become official only a few months after your first date. Together you both relocate to Denver, Colorado in order for you to accept your new promotion as an engineering shift manager for your company. Living with her is such an entertaining experience. You both are messy in different ways that compliments one another (she hates dishes while you find washing plates relaxing; you hate laundry while she loves to dance while she folds). You both become vegetarians that cook healthy organic meals together. You play on the same adult summer softball league, you support her as she pierces half of her body, and she comes to support you while you have an entire sleeve tattooed on your arm. You travel together and you teach young kids how to swim while she referees a youth soccer program. You are changing and evolving and finding pieces of yourself you did not expect.

The one thing that has not changed in the past few years since leaving Rosewood permanently is the monthly card you send and receive. There is no explanation for it but after you sent that congratulatory card to Emily for her son's birth she started sending you unsigned cards once a month. Sometimes they are for a specific holiday, or an event in your life she hears about, but usually they are just the blank ones that simply say Thank You. You were confused every time you received one but there was that 'Emily owned' piece of you that was grateful for the attention. You were not sure if you were to reciprocate until one thank you card arrived with her address highlighted on the envelope. You got the message and since then you each send the other a random card each and every month. Even when you moved you made sure to highlight your own new address. That next month you received a 'Congratulations on the new House' card.

Four years after you left Rosewood for good Lucas gets married. You wanted a clean break from that area and anyone who still lived there but Lucas was insistent that you kept in contact. For a long time in high school you leant on each other and that bond should be honored. You respected him for his honesty and so here you are landing back in the hell hole of your hometown. You are beyond blessed that Christen is with you, but you are still so nervous that you keep finding yourself squeezing her hand too hard. You want this to be drama free for the sake of Lucas and Christen and yourself and Emily but you know that Rosewood hates you so you do not hold your breath. You are not there twenty four hours before you run into Spencer. She sees you walking across the street from the coffee shop Ezra owns and, without any thought to her safety, sprints across the road and envelops you in a hug. She holds onto you for a long time before giving you a chance to both breathe and introduce your girlfriend. She looks at Christen with a bright smile and Christen all but reciprocates but you can still see the sadness in Spencer's eyes as she looks at the person who you have moved on with. The selfish part of you is grateful that at least one of Emily's friends remembers how solid you two were together, the majority of you wishes everybody from Rosewood would just let you be happy.

You actually spend the rest of the day enjoying Spencer and Christen's company. Laughing and eating and catching up- promising to keep in touch better. Before the end of the day Spencer has already booked a vacation to visit you in Denver the following month. You actually make it to Lucas' wedding without any real awkward issues coming about and so you brace yourself for whatever might happen at the reception. You have not seen Emily in four years so you really could not have prepared yourself for the punch to the gut you take when you see her in a beautiful blue bridesmaid dress. Her makeup is natural and her hair is up and she still looks like she did when she was twenty. Your breath stops and your heart beats faster as you see her standing proudly next to all of the girls watching Lucas marry his love. But then you see Alison right behind her smiling with heart eyes you yourself once experienced. Then you notice the wedding bands on both of their hands. Finally you see the little ring bearer who is Emily's mini in boy form: all energy and smiles and desperate to be close to his mommies who both kiss his head when Emily finally lifts him up. You watch the family for a second before cuddling closer into Christen and closing your eyes, preferring to just listen to the rest of the ceremony.

At the dinner you have calmed yourself enough to lead your girlfriend on the dance floor where you hold her tightly while you twirl and twist your way through too many songs to count. The entire time you can feel someone watching you and you fight for as long as you can to ignore the need to look. But towards the end of the night you spin Christen around and allow yourself one glance at the bridal party table. There sits Emily, head on her first, staring solemnly at you and your beautiful partner. You make eye contact and for just a moment you stare at one another, neither of you blinking. You do not share a smile because neither of you have the energy to pretend you are happy for the other, but you nod as you break the staring contest first and go back to your girl.

The next year brings big changes in your life. Christen proposes before you even got a chance to buy a ring. She states she could not wait and inspired by her enthusiasm you say yes without hesitation. You receive an unsigned Congratulations card the next week. You purposely choose to have a short engagement, opting to get married a week before your ten year high school reunion. The wedding is everything you expect it to be: full of life and love and alcohol. Christen looks like an angel in her sleeveless, beach dress and you find your eyes wet throughout the whole ceremony. You smash cake in her face and in return she forces you to really 'dig" for the garter hidden up her leg. You are happy and you are in love. Your immediate honeymoon makes you miss the reunion completely…oops. When you arrive home you come to find out that you have two very specific cards waiting for you atop the pile. One is another congratulatory card offering sweet hallmark blessings on your union. The other is a "You were Missed" card that, instead of being unsigned, contains a scribbled 'wish you were there' sentence that slows your breathing. As you stare at both cards you notice that something fell out: a photo. More specific than a photo: an ultrasound screenshot. Emily is pregnant. You feel your heart plummet, but as you go to mourn you hear your new wife gently prod for your attention in the kitchen. So instead of grieving you go to Christen. The next day you send Emily a 'Yay Baby' card along with a picture of you (alone) during your honeymoon.

The day you find out that Christen is pregnant with your twins is ironically the same day that Emily's little girl turns two (you know this because you still remember everything about Emily and two years ago she sent you a photo of Alexander holding little Winnie). You are ecstatic to be a mom and you are even more grateful to have such a loving wife in Christen that the entire experience is heightened. Your marriage has really been nothing but ease and you are so shocked that relationships can exist without external drama. Both your little girls, Eloise and Sadie, arrive in the world without much fuss and your heart, which is healed but still sometimes feels put together by band aids, is completely and utterly over stuffed. You feel proud and misty eyed when you send Emily your own photo of your girls. However, quite quickly you then feel shut out when she sends no response that month, and even angrier when you receive a holiday card the next month as if your important life event did not even matter.

There are moments when you want to give up on the card sending, when you just want to throw away anything and everything Emily sent to you over the years. But then those moments pass and you realize you are thankful for the connection that you still manage with her: neither of you can deal with a complete separation yet neither could actually survive trying to manage a friendship where you told each other about lives that are happening without the other.

You are happy where you are at. Your girls are growing and thriving and learning to swim and multiply and hate boys but secretly love them. Your wife is still as beautiful as when you first met and her patience and attentiveness and sex drive continue to amaze you (in so many ways). It is from that security and joy and peace with your life that you decide to go to your twentieth class reunion. You want to show off your Christen and show pictures of your girls and your yearly vacations to people who once looked the other way while you got bullied to the point of desperation. So you put on a form fitting suit and bowtie that matches Christen's dress and walk the few minutes from your hotel to the Rosewood gymnasium. The music is loud (you feel old thinking that) and the faces are older than you remember but the alcohol is free and so you dive right in, finding anyone you recognize to introduce to Christen.

It is while your wife steps away to go to the washroom when you feel the hand on your shoulder. You know who it is without looking so you steel your resolve as you turn around. For the first time in over fifteen years you are only inches away from Emily. She has aged: her thick dark hair a bit lighter and thinner, the lines on her eyes are apparent. But she is still so beautiful that it snatches your breath. She smiles at you and you smile back and for a moment the world goes silent. She gives you a gentle greeting and you do the same in return. Neither of you know what to say or how to continue but you both are totally ok with enjoying each other's company. You make a lame joke about the reunion party and for some reason she just laughs so hard and it makes you laugh and all of a sudden you are both just laughing not because the joke was that good but because this moment is that good. A moment where it is just you two.

You get a few minutes of uninterrupted time together where you just chat. She fills you in on who is here and what has happened in all of your classmates' lives (she actually paid attention during the last reunion). You ask questions about the people you once cared about and she teases you about your choice in beverage because it has not changed since you were just legal. You jointly mock the throwback music playing while also cracking jokes about the decorations. People walk by you and you rotate saying a unified greeting representing you both. It feels so good and wholesome and you are shocked by how easily you still click. You feel almost brave enough to share your thoughts when her eyes harden. You hear your wife call for you as she returns from the bathroom. You look between your wife and Emily as Christen slides her fingers into yours. For her part, your wife just looks relieved to have found you in the crowd; Emily looks about a millisecond away from sprinting in the other direction. Without having any clue of what else to do you introduce your wife to your "high school friend" Emily (you are proud that your voice only cracks a little), but the warm gesture you make is muted when Emily does not take Christen's output hand. Instead, Emily gives her a tight smile while excusing herself to find Hanna. You are so taken aback by her immediate exit that you don't even hear your wife scoff at Emily's behavior. The rest of your night goes by in a blur as you try to locate Emily again. However, within the first few minutes of searching you know she has left the party. Interestingly enough, you are also quick to realize you never once saw Alison.

As you move forward after the reunion, reinvigorated by the success of your former classmates, you really do find that the second half of life is almost more exciting than the first. Your twins start to define themselves as human beings (Sadie is your athlete/ science whiz and Ellie is your musician/ future journalist): they go on dates you are never prepared to handle and begin to spend more time away from home. You start a hiking club with the neighbors and teach yourself the piano for no real reason other than you are interested in it. Which you end up mentioning to Emily in one monthly card you send. Curiously, starting right after your last face to face the cards that Emily sends now contain one sentence pieces of her life. In one letter she mentions perfecting her now famous home cooked cheesecake. In another, she mentions how neither of her children enjoy swimming-not even for recreation. So you decide to join in on the fun too and start providing the new parts of you that have revealed themselves over the years. When you told her about the piano playing she ends up sending you a lesson book in place of a card that month. Gifts are not usually part of the deal, but you would be lying if you did not admit to using it right away (and sending her an extra thank you that month with an extra personal bit included). The only "rule" you have to guide your form of communication is that she will not mention Alison and you will not mention your wife.

Christen. The only gray cloud occurring in your bright life. It hurts for you to admit it even silently to yourself but you have both started to drift. Perhaps unintentionally, perhaps on purpose. With the girls being teenagers and your responsibilities as parents starting to lesson you both find yourselves going out more but not with each other. You each built strong and separate groups of friends in Denver (more like throughout the country) so sometimes one of you leaves without the other and then the other takes that as an invitation to go do whatever they feel like doing. There is definitely still love and respect, but perhaps some boredom. For some reason, even though it hurts, you do not necessarily see this as a bad thing.

Everything in your life comes to a halt the day you are in your accident. You just recently finished celebrating your forty-fourth birthday with some former Stanford teammates in California when you were driving home from the airport and got t-boned at an intersection. The last thing you remember is seeing the green light and then all of a sudden you are waking up in a hospital bed six days later after intensive surgery where you lost your gallbladder, broke some ribs, and fractured your ankle. Christen is gripping your hand in a way she has not done in years. She fills you in on the past few days: all the legal actions that will go into suing the driver, how the girls have held up, but most importantly she says that you will make a full recovery after a stint in physical therapy. Your room is filled with cards and flowers and chocolates and you want to read and smell and taste all of it to remind yourself that you are ok. But before you can Christen says there are people in the waiting room, immensely impatient to see you awake. So you sit there as your aging parents come to cry on your shoulders, as your boss comes teary eyed to tell you that you have quite a few missed emails, and as some close friends shake you to make sure you are real.

You are all worn out, eyes closed, and ready to nap when Christen steps out for a moment. You are grateful for the peace but that lasts about two seconds when someone barges back in the room. You feel her presence before you see her. You are tempted to keep your eyes closed and just revel in the shock that she came. But you are a glutton for punishment so you open your eyes to see one Emily Fields standing at the edge of your bed. She looks exhausted: hair tousled and greasy like she has not showered, clothes all crinkled, and her bright eyes are dimmed and baggy. You can tell without asking that she has been here almost as long as you have. You want her to say something but she seems so content just watching you be alive that you give her a small smile, feeling blessed when you receive a watery one in return.

You painfully motion her closer to you and as she approaches, without thinking, you pull her tightly into your broken ribs. The pain would have been overwhelming if this was not the first time you held Emily Fields since you left her on her porch more than twenty years ago. All of your senses are in over drive as her scent and her touch and her energy over take you. You feel her hold on tighter than you thought humanly possible as she silently sobs into your shoulder. You can actually feel her thanking anything and everything that saved you. You sit like that for a few minutes, or longer, you are not sure. The only thing that makes either of you let go is Christen's voice projecting from outside your door as she brings the doctor to check-in on your condition. Emily quickly stands up off of your bed and backs away a few feet to be appropriate. Before anyone else can even enter Emily gives you one final teary smile before bolting out of the door. You are buzzing for the rest of your hospital stay.

This near death experience really impacts the way you live your life. You cancel your cable subscription to be more aware in your home. You take up yoga and meditation to connect with yourself. You get super involved in your girls' high school PTA. You work up the courage to sign the divorce papers Christen gave you a few months before your accident. The marriage ran its course and you will forever be indebted to Christen for the seventeen or so years of adventure and joy, but you know you both need to try something different and be with someone different. Your split is very amicable and easy: she was always the better housekeeper so you give her the house while you find a very cozy condo near the mountains and the twins can drive so they bounce between their two moms almost daily without complaint. You really feel a new beginning brewing.

When your thirtieth class reunion occurs you are a bit more nervous than last time. Last time you had Christen who is so damn charming that she once got the bridal shop to sponsor your wedding so she didn't have to pay for her dress. This time it is just you and your gaggle of photos from the twins' graduation. You hope old classmates still find you interesting as you enter into the gymnasium that looks like it did when you were attending school. There are less people than last reunion and you say a silent prayer that it is just because of other engagements. You are just about to order a drink when Emily appears in front of you. She is still so excited to see you alive and walking that she hugs you tightly without even a greeting. You hold her tighter than you could in the hospital. The force of your hug actually causes you two to start swaying and you are actually glad there is sappy throwback music blaring. When she lets go she pauses before saying anything, to look around. Before she can comment on the missing wife of yours you tell her about your divorce (you never wanted to break your unspoken rule and mention it in a card). She stares at you with wide eyes and a parted mouth before gently grabbing your hand and inviting you to join her group at their table.

Hanna, Spencer, and Caleb jump you before you can even sit down. You have not seen them in so long that tears spring to your eyes as you greet each of them. Glancing around the table you first notice that Aria is not present, Emily whispers to you that Ezra has a cold so they stayed home. The next thing you notice literally freezes you where you sit. Alison is placed at the end of the table next to a large, blonde man who has his arm tightly secured around her shoulders. Noticing your shock Emily places a soothing hand on your thigh and gently tells you that they have been divorced over ten years now, Alison and her husband Brent have been married eight of those. Surprisingly, Ali notices your presence and sends you a friendly nod and smile. One that looks like she is giving you the go ahead. You turn back to look at Emily who is staring at you with these sparkly eyes that you have never seen in a person. Her hand is still rubbing your thigh and it is at that moment you know you have found your new beginning.

There is no pomp and circumstance or drama and chaos when you two reunite. You both click into place like you always have. Throughout the reunion you two are inseparable. She keeps a hand on you at all times as you try to stand as close to her as humanly possible. You talk and joke around and laugh but never bring up the deeper conversations because there will be a time for that. You both enjoy the simplicity of being and doing something together again so you stay the whole time, dancing and drinking with the friends you are thankful to have regained. When you leave you leave together, Emily's hand in yours, and she does not even give you an option to go back to your hotel room: the uber that you share goes directly to her apartment. Upon entering you are overcome with an emotion you cannot even describe as you look around the place Emily calls home. She gives you a tour, interlacing your fingers, as she points out all of the old trinkets you would remember that are intermixed (and admittedly outnumbered) by the new pieces of her life. You see pictures of her now adult children who could easily pass off as twins and Emily's exact copies. You see her Doctorate in Occupational Therapy hanging against one wall, right across from a plaque that says Coach of the Year. Without even being prodded she tells you all about her life and her experiences and the friends she has opened up enough to let in. You take it all in feeling both overjoyed at her happiness and devastated for all you did not get to witness.

It is early morning by the time she is done talking, you never speaking a word just listening and loving. She says she wants you to do the same for her, tell her all of your stories and moments. She is willing and wanting to hop on that plane with you so she can see where you have spent your adult life in Denver. There is no hesitation when you agree to her request. Until you have to get ready to leave you take a long nap together on the couch, opting to not sleep in her bed because the couch provides far more opportunities to cuddle. Before you know it you are in your little Condo in Denver telling her all about the athletic clubs you have founded and coached while maintaining a senior level position at your company. You tell her about your girls' goals to be the next Jillian Michaels and Kathy Lee Gifford respectively. You show her photos of old college friends you both knew while also playing from the piano book she once sent you. You catch her up on your life like she did for you.

But you know that forty eight hours of endless recounting is not enough to feel a part of each other's worlds. So you conjointly decide to be spontaneous and reckless: you both cash in three weeks' worth of vacation time as you rent out a little cabin in the middle of nowhere with minimal phone service and zero internet. You pack all of the clothes you have since she does not want to go back to Rosewood for her things (thankfully you are the same size) and head to your oasis. There at this cabin you reconnect in every way shape and form. She tells you everything about her marriage to Alison: that it was happy and filled with good moments and that they were the best tag-teaming mommies ever but it was all far more friendly than romantic and they both knew they deserved romance. You tell her about drifting apart from spunky and beautiful Christen because your marriage just ran out of gas. Neither of you lie about your joys. You are both very honest in the fact that you each had a great life thus far regardless of the fact the other one was not really in it. You both love your respective children beyond words and Emily will never regret the fateful day when she selected to have the baby with Ali (thus leading to your separation). Alex is her world and she would make the decision over and over again if she had to. For your part, you actually fully agree. You would never trade the good years with Christen for anything, and the twins are your greatest inspiration. You both know that as hard as being apart was, the adventures were worth it. You are both bringing far more to this relationship now than you ever could before and for that you are both so grateful.

You each also take turns explaining what you missed about the other, which honestly turned out to be just about everything. Emily missed your openness and relaxed view on life, while you missed her sense of humor and gentleness. You cling to each other as you cry for the years you lost while also celebrating all that you each experienced. You share your first kiss for the first time in over twenty years and you both literally need a second to recover from the emotion of that moment. You spend the first few nights only kissing and touching as you reacquaint yourselves with the feeling of just being together again. Everything naturally progresses and within the first week you are reminded of the blessing that is hearing Emily scream your name at the top of her lungs. The remaining two weeks are spent witnessing and relearning the little quirks the each of you has. You teach Emily your favorite sun salutations and make her the most delicious vegetarian recipes. She gives you private instruction on how to strengthen your arms like she would any of her other patients. You come to quickly love the laugh lines around her eyes and she is obsessed with finding all of the new freckles on your body. You feel her reclaiming the Emily sized space in your heart and you know you are doing the same in hers.

On the last day of your reconnection retreat you plan ahead for the future. You are nervous to approach the topic since it never once ended well for you before but she smiles at you with such confidence and ease that you are open to whatever she suggests. She makes you promise that you will just go along with her ideas and although you probably should have questioned a bit more before agreeing you nod along enthusiastically. She tells you that you are to get married this weekend: she already alerted your girls who have planned to come home for a visit and she sent her kids the money for plane tickets last week. She then proceeds to tell you her that three weeks' vacation also counted as her two weeks to quit her job so she is moving in to that beautiful little condo of yours. Furthermore, she sent her daughter extra money to buy you each a plane ticket so that you can both go to Rosewood together next week, one final time, for a celebratory wedding dinner with her friends and to ship her things to Denver. Since you are both too old for children she wants animals that you can raise jointly. Oh and by the way she is taking your last name.

By the time she is done announcing your future your head is spinning and your heart is bursting. You really cannot believe any of this that she is saying. You are so shocked that you cannot even voice your consent. She smiles at you while tightening her grip around your hand. She tells you that one of the lessons she learned by choosing to have Alex was that you can truly have what it is you want if you are willing to allow yourself. She is choosing you. She has always chosen you. She tells you that the day after you left Rosewood she made a promise to herself that one day she would let herself love you fully again. Every day after that was building up to this moment. Hence the monthly cards because she could not truly let go. Hence the (admittedly mean) ignorance of your twins' birth because she did not want to acknowledge your new life. Hence the single sentences of information she started to include after she divorced Ali. Hence the three week reunion retreat followed by an immediate marriage after only just getting back together (she wants no time wasted). She has always loved you and she is begging for the chance to live the rest of your lives fulfilling the promise she made to herself. All you can do is nod your head and cry. Cry the painful tears that have plagued you since you walked away. Cry the joyous tears that filled you every time you were reunited. Cry the tears that want to join the party because you have never felt so full. After a few minutes you finally get to loudly announce the yes that has been bubbling below the surface of your heart since the moment you ran into Emily Fields during your first day at Rosewood High.

So you marry on a Summer Saturday by a little lake surrounded by each of your children as well as the brand new puppy you bought the day before (his name is Shark). You are wearing the bowtie she customized for you: each moment in time when you were reunited throughout your life printed all over the fabric. She is wearing a sleeveless dress per your request because you have always been attracted to the scar on her hurt shoulder, the one she used to hate until you showed her how to love it. You both cry the entire ceremony and when it becomes time to say your written vows you each take ten minutes a piece to whisper your love to the other. Your wedding bands are identical but they are only there as a place holder: Emily has put in a request for you to add to your collection of tattoos by getting one specialized for your relationship. She does not yet have any tattoos but she says you are worth the permanent ink. You are pronounced wife and wife to the thunderous applause of your children. Your girls beeline for Emily to welcome her to the family while Emily's kids have already wrapped you in a powerful embrace. After everyone shares in some champagne you are left alone to start your married life with the one woman who has always been your constant. You consummate your marriage in a hidden spot by the lake side because sex and water have always been a staple in your relationship. You ride bikes back to your shared condo where you lock yourself in until you take your last trip to Rosewood.

The dinner with her (your) friends is delicious and nurturing. Everybody cries as they hug you, glad that you are finally here to stay. Ali even shakes your hand in congratulations and as she brings Emily into a hug you are proud to witness how comfortable they are in their friendship. Emily packs up her things quickly, mainly taking pictures and her degrees since she claims she can just wear your clothes until she builds a new "Denver chic" wardrobe. She pulls out a rather large box from under her bed and you quickly come to realize that she not only saved every card you ever sent her but she dated them too. She tells you she cannot just leave this piece of your relationship behind so together you place the box reverently into her suitcase where those cards will soon be reunited with all those you yourself saved in the exact same way.

Neither of you look back as you board your one way ride back to Denver. For the first time in your life you do not have to walk away, the one and only Emily McCullers is right next to you as you both let go of the past to embrace this new life you get to share. In lieu of being nostalgic you just grip her hand a little bit tighter. She smiles at you and whispers that it is time to go home.

You are not sure of many things. You are not sure that Emily would have ever gotten a Stanford swimming scholarship if her shoulder had not been hurt. You are not sure that you would have won a gold medal had your knee not busted. You are not sure if your relationship would have held if Emily opted to not have the baby or if you would have stayed even with the baby's arrival. What you are sure of is that life is a cycle, as is everything in it. The cycle is to and fro. Together and apart… and together again, always together. Ending together.


End file.
